p.S. you all suck. Here maybe this will interest you.

Actual Newspaper Headlines

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1. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training


2. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told


3. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms


4. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge


5. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says


6. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted


7. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case


8. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents


9. Farmer Bill Dies in House


10. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group


11. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?


12. Stud Tires Out


13. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope


14. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over


15. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again


16. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax


17. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors


18. Miners Refuse to Work after Death


19. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers


20. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies


21. If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While


22. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures


23. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide


24. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge


25. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


26. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant


27. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies


28. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing


29. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft


30. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction


31. Include your Children when Baking Cookies


32. War Dims Hope for Peace


33. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands


34. Eye Drops off Shelf


35. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids


36. Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead


37. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim


38. Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66


39. Stolen Painting Found by Tree


40. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter


41. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years


42. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in 84


43. Steals Clock, Faces Time


44. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni


45. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks


46. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire


47. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply


48. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood


49. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees


50. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half


51. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing


52. Air Head Fired


53. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms


54. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy