I Went Through HELL to Get Here…

12 Apr

My “job” is to find the funny. It’s what I do. So what happens when things just aren’t funny?

Today, I read three letters that my dad had written when he was 19 and serving in Vietnam. The past March, marked 15 years since his passing. My dad struggled for years with an illness that couldn’t be cured. His mind fought him and many argue that he was never the same after returning from Vietnam.

The Dad I knew was the most loving, generous, and funny guy. He was peculiar and difficult to read at times as well. The one thing I knew for sure growing up was that he was doing his best. I never doubted that. Although, his mental illness was evident in his life it did not define who he was to me. He was my dad. I didn’t know when he would be happy or when he would be angry. I didn’t know what set it off or how to change it. It was just the way we lived.

I was 17 when his life took him.

I have never seen these letters before today and just seeing his handwriting was immediately emotional. I felt as though I was able to connect with him again, after all these years. His words were innocent and simple; just checking in with family, but I felt like I was getting to know more of him. As a mom of a son and thinking about this boy at war, a world away, knowing what it would do to him and how he would be changed by it, it broke my heart. It made me sad for him and protective of his words.

Finally, I get to the last one and it cracked me up! It brought a smile to my face and once again I was reminded that you can go through hell, but seriously, you can still “find the funny”

 

photo-3 h lucky

 

I’m a LUCKY girl.

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2 Responses to “I Went Through HELL to Get Here…”

  1. indytony April 12, 2013 at 5:05 PM #

    I’ve been reflecting on suicide a great deal this week. It’s been about 5 years now since I attempted to take my own life. I’m glad to say I’m enjoying relative balance. Writing and humor certainly help. Here’s one for you – a postcard from a person with rapid-cycling Bipolar, “Having a great time, wish I were dead.”

    Keep smiling. I hope we meet again.

    • hinoonvlog April 12, 2013 at 9:52 PM #

      Haha thanks for the smile. I’m glad you’re doing well.

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